2023 in Review: Positive Chaos?
My last selfie of 2023 (and its in a TJ Max dressing room lol)
Note: This post was supposed to automatically go live on January 1st, 2024. However, it never did. Because of personal reasons, I didn’t catch this until recently.
Reflection is something that is incredibly important to me so, every year, I like to take a moment to look back on the previous year before we enter the new one, and examine all that’s happened.
First things first, the year started off rough. I was in the middle of a major depressive episode at the start of January. I’m already someone that has depression, so this isn’t new to me, but this depressive episode certainly put a heavier damper on my life and mood than any other before. It was weird and I couldn’t make sense of it, and all I could really do was soldier through it and try to do the standard mental health practices that people usually recommend. Well, as I was going through that, I caught Covid. When I say it was rough, I’m not exaggerating. A 103F fever, extreme chills and coldness, and sore throat so bad I felt like I was breathing glass. I was one hour away from going to the emergency room when my fever started to go down (thanks to some late-night Instacarted knock-off NyQuil) but Covid did leave me with a sore throat and the inability to sing for at least 4 months after.
When I finally was able to go back to work, I hated my job at “Buckys” (as we will call it, wink wink). They didn’t pay enough and my manager was screwing around with my hours. I put in for a transfer and the manager delayed it to the point that it took me six months for the transfer to finally go through.
At the awards ceremony for the Winter Film Awards
Despite all the madness in my personal life, I was taking large strides in my career. In February, I got the wonderful opportunity to work with the Winter Film Awards, where I worked as a Q&A moderator and red carpet interviewer. I had so much fun and I discovered that I loved talking to other filmmakers about their films and inspirations.
In the spring, I began recording for my future EP. Unfortunately, however, life got in the way and recording sessions became few and far between, but I’m proud of the fact that I was able to keep getting into the studio despite the chaos, even if I would’ve liked to have done more.
It was the springtime when I also began to feel better. I began a treatment regimen for my newly-discovered PCOS and I was starting to eat healthier and be more conscious of my fitness goals.
At the premiere of Pratfall with Jordyn Barber
As soon as I started this turn-around, a slew of events happened once the summer started. I attended the premier of Pratfall at the Brooklyn Film Festival, where it took home the Spirit Award for Best Narrative Feature; my old roommate had to move back to Oregon and I got a new roommate; I walked in the Wears in Care Charity Fashion Show; I was a cast member for the comedy sketch show, A Sketch of New York; and, amazingly, I got cast as the audiobook narrator for the book Nadia by Christine Evans. After that, I took a short trip to Philly, and then immediately upon returning to New York City, got cast in the St. Jean’s Players production of Working: A Musical where I played Kate the Housewife. Talk about INTENSE!
Reading an excerpt from Nadia with Christine Evans at her author event at Book Culture in NYC
However, all of this good didn’t come without drama and, in this context, that drama happened to come from my day-job. First, I caught Covid again, believe or not. Second, “Buckys” still wasn’t paying me enough, I was working shitty hours, barely sleeping, eating only their crap food, and dealing with a shift supervisor who wanted to lord what little power she had over us. That job was making my back problems so intense and bad that I began to feel shooting pains all up and down my spine and into my feet. (If you know anything about spinal disk injuries like the one I have, you know that that’s a really bad sign). Ultimately, my shift supervisor yelled at me for being 30 seconds too long on my only 10 minute break (that she was late sending me to in the first place!). And in that moment, I got furious. I decided that I’d stay calm and finish my shift, but that I would never be stepping foot in that god-awful place ever again. I promised myself I’d get a new job in 1 month – I knew it was a difficult task, but I was angry and motivated and dammit I was going to do it.
In front of Independence Hall in Philadelphia
And guess what? I did it. I got my new day-job at Apple in less than a month. And when I tell you, the change was almost immediate. I was happier, more confident, I could do my makeup for work and feel pretty and not worry about smelling like disgustingly burnt coffee and BO. And, not only that, but the new job fit my personality waaaay more and didn’t feel as difficult. I credit this new-found happiness to be the reason that, in the very last weeks of the year, I got signed to an agency! Woo!
So… that was my year! Talk about a fucking mess. But, I wouldn’t change it for anything, and I have this strong feeling in my gut that 2024 will be amazing.
xx Selma
A little selfie with the cast of Working: A Musical